If you say something that triggers me, I will be so grateful to you.
Sure that may not be my instant reaction, I am not a saint. But after I move through the process that is recognizing and accepting my emotions, I will get there.
I want people in my life that are willing to be authentic.
That means they have to be willing to risk triggering me and other people.
If we all walk around with a trigger sensor on our lips, where will we be?
Trying to conform to what everyone else can handle of us. Continuing to reject parts of ourselves and put them in our shadow.
I am willing to trigger you if you are willing to trigger me.
And after the initial reaction of wanting to hide under our shells and protect ourselves, I hope we can come out and face what happened.
Why are you triggering me?
It’s not you doing something to me, it’s me doing it to me. You are just a catalyst, a mirror.
Let me walk you through my process.
First I have to notice I was triggered. Then I ask, “what was it that triggered me?”
The answer is never a person, but rather an action or often for me, words. Then it’s really the meaning that I make from those words or actions that trigger me usually. So to be honest, you are never the trigger.
Today I was irritated by someone using the phrase, “Fuck them.” I saw it as aggressive and unnecessary in the situation, and even inappropriate. Almost immediately I heard my internal voice saying, yeah you really don’t resonate with this person anymore, you have to cut them out and move on.
But then I asked, what is really going on here? Is this person really bad for me? No. But the language they used didn’t resonate and I felt irritated. I asked myself WHY?
“Violence.” Just that word came up. I reject violence on all levels. And of course, when I reject anything, I create resistance. So I have identified the real problem, resistance to violence. Why is that a problem for me?
So I imagine holding up a mirror. Where are there parts of me that are violent? I am afraid to see the parts of me that could become violent to protect the ones that I love. I am afraid to see the parts of me that violently attacked me, especially in my younger years. Once I see these parts, I can talk to them.
“I see you, violent parts. I have been avoiding you, but I am getting ready to accept you now. ” Sometimes this conversation is short, other times its long. Sometimes I write pages and pages in my journal to the parts of me that I have been rejecting.
Finally, I can move them into the first person. The “I am that.” Since we are all one collective consciousness, I am all that is in the world. I am the beauty and the evil. I am peaceful and violent. I am that. And it’s okay.
I can be all of those things and I am still whole, and enough. I still have free will. I choose unconditional love for all beings. I love this person unconditionally. No matter what words they say, I still love them. I love them for who they are. And I love the parts of myself that have those same violent tendencies.
Integration of What’s Triggering Me
Now the trigger is gone. I can integrate those parts. They may be sensitive for a while. But choose to have unconditional love and acceptance for me too. Even if I am not perfect at it, I accept the process.
So if you trigger me, thank you. I am grateful that you have helped me to see more parts of myself. I am grateful that you were willing to be so authentically you.